froodle: (Default)
Dudes, I just got back from seeing Red Riding Hood, and oh my God, it sucked a giant donkey schlong all over the place.

The heroine was like... okay, imagine if Scarlett Johansen was in a terrible accident, languished in a coma for years so that most of her looks wasted away, then woke up with massive brain damage and thusly was convinced to star in this piece of shit. Oh, she was awful, I would say she simpered but frankly I suspect such a thing was beyond this appalling actress whose name I cannot be bothered to look up.

Gary Oldman was fucking shameful - chewing so much scenery I'm surprised there was enough of a set remaining to shoot this poor excuse for a film on. I think someone should just euthanize Gary Oldman at this point - every time he's in a movie he embarrasses humanity with his failure.

The main love interest guy was the lovechild of Edward Cullen and Joaquin Phoenix, and I totally don't mean that as a good thing. I mean he was pasty, had a cubeshaped head and a face that was totally flat when seen in profile, had a stupid froofy haircut and thinks that sneering is an appropriate substitute for being able to portray emotion.

The lame CGI wolf was totally lame - it looked like a snaggle-toothed housecat. In fact, it looked exactly like my brother's cat, Tazzy, who is not scary at all and drools when he purrs.

Daniel Jackson and Colonel Tigh were in it too - Daniel Jackson was trying to be manly and failing, and Tigh was being drunk and yelling at dudes, which in fairness he did quite well, but it's not exactly new territory for him.

There were some gingers who Gary Oldman thought were the werewolves, but OBVIOUSLY they turned out not to be because gingers do not have souls and according to Gary Oldman, you need to give up your soul to become a werewolf. See that, Gary Oldman? I'm better at finding werewolves than you just from using your own logic. What a tardbeast.

Oh, also there was some fucking stupid medieval orgy thing involving Three Little Piggy masks and basically the whole thing sucked from start to finish.

Lukas Haas was in it, and he was really very good, as much as he could be with the weight of everyone elses retardation dragging him down, but it made me sad for him because he deserved to be in some other, better film with people who could act.

I'm going to go watch Trick r Treat now and be a little bit in love with Anna Paquin. Laurie would fuck all those villagers and CGI Tazwolves up if she had the chance. You should all probably watch Trick r Treat too, then we can all be in love with Anna Paquin together.
froodle: (Default)
Dudes, I just got back from seeing Red Riding Hood, and oh my God, it sucked a giant donkey schlong all over the place.

The heroine was like... okay, imagine if Scarlett Johansen was in a terrible accident, languished in a coma for years so that most of her looks wasted away, then woke up with massive brain damage and thusly was convinced to star in this piece of shit. Oh, she was awful, I would say she simpered but frankly I suspect such a thing was beyond this appalling actress whose name I cannot be bothered to look up.

Gary Oldman was fucking shameful - chewing so much scenery I'm surprised there was enough of a set remaining to shoot this poor excuse for a film on. I think someone should just euthanize Gary Oldman at this point - every time he's in a movie he embarrasses humanity with his failure.

The main love interest guy was the lovechild of Edward Cullen and Joaquin Phoenix, and I totally don't mean that as a good thing. I mean he was pasty, had a cubeshaped head and a face that was totally flat when seen in profile, had a stupid froofy haircut and thinks that sneering is an appropriate substitute for being able to portray emotion.

The lame CGI wolf was totally lame - it looked like a snaggle-toothed housecat. In fact, it looked exactly like my brother's cat, Tazzy, who is not scary at all and drools when he purrs.

Daniel Jackson and Colonel Tigh were in it too - Daniel Jackson was trying to be manly and failing, and Tigh was being drunk and yelling at dudes, which in fairness he did quite well, but it's not exactly new territory for him.

There were some gingers who Gary Oldman thought were the werewolves, but OBVIOUSLY they turned out not to be because gingers do not have souls and according to Gary Oldman, you need to give up your soul to become a werewolf. See that, Gary Oldman? I'm better at finding werewolves than you just from using your own logic. What a tardbeast.

Oh, also there was some fucking stupid medieval orgy thing involving Three Little Piggy masks and basically the whole thing sucked from start to finish.

Lukas Haas was in it, and he was really very good, as much as he could be with the weight of everyone elses retardation dragging him down, but it made me sad for him because he deserved to be in some other, better film with people who could act.

I'm going to go watch Trick r Treat now and be a little bit in love with Anna Paquin. Laurie would fuck all those villagers and CGI Tazwolves up if she had the chance. You should all probably watch Trick r Treat too, then we can all be in love with Anna Paquin together.
froodle: (Default)
The Dark Knight, dudes! Read more... )

In other news, the Southernator and I celebrated Heathfest '08 with 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knight's Tale, the Southernator proved how much she fails at life by perving wrongly during TDK and forcing me to slap her, and also by not admitting the awesomeness of Numb3rs (another reason she has been removed from her position of power at the League of Hot) and we saw the WETA exhibition at the Royal Armouries and were confused by the random Poodle of Sauron armor. Also I totally broke my vow not to buy any more books or DVDs or random junk until such time as I have bought new shelves to hold them, and now I have to eat hobos for next two months. Fortunately they are drug-addled and easy to catch. I would like to add that really this is Snithy's fault, as she did not do as a true friend would and stop me, even after I graciously agreed to allow Robert Downey Junior be joint third with The Colin in the League of Hot. I even gave him his holy name - The Downey. I feel it says all that needs to be said.
froodle: (Default)
The Dark Knight, dudes! Read more... )

In other news, the Southernator and I celebrated Heathfest '08 with 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knight's Tale, the Southernator proved how much she fails at life by perving wrongly during TDK and forcing me to slap her, and also by not admitting the awesomeness of Numb3rs (another reason she has been removed from her position of power at the League of Hot) and we saw the WETA exhibition at the Royal Armouries and were confused by the random Poodle of Sauron armor. Also I totally broke my vow not to buy any more books or DVDs or random junk until such time as I have bought new shelves to hold them, and now I have to eat hobos for next two months. Fortunately they are drug-addled and easy to catch. I would like to add that really this is Snithy's fault, as she did not do as a true friend would and stop me, even after I graciously agreed to allow Robert Downey Junior be joint third with The Colin in the League of Hot. I even gave him his holy name - The Downey. I feel it says all that needs to be said.
froodle: (Default)
Had my last exam today - went well until the final question, at which point I had a brief moment of insanity and told my imaginary client to "suck it up and stop goddamn whining". Which, now that I think about it, wasn't the smartest move I've ever made. If anyone asks, I'll blame the emotional trauma of Angel ending. Yep, that'll totally work.

Also saw Prisoner of Azkaban straight afterwards: could have used a lot more Malfoy, I think. Both of them, for preference. Like Draco's new hair, not keen on his new (super-girly) persona. Laughed at the 'bloody chicken' line. He's so squishy.

Was suprised by how much I like David Thwelis as Lupin, pleased that Gary Oldman lived up to my expectations as Sirius, gleefully enthusiastic about their on-screen chemistry together and slightly aroused by Lupin's transformation scene. Not to mention, extremely happy to see that the werewolfism as a metaphor for homosexuality came through intact. Sniff. Poor Lupin.

Scriptwise, there are some major flaws in the storytelling, to the point where an awful lot of stuff doesn't make sense unless you've read the books. The connection between the Marauder's map and Lupin, and the reason Harry's Patronus takes the form of a stag, not to mention almost the entire Animagus backstory is left out. Crookshanks has no significance. The part with Harry getting the Firebolt is different, but it fits and is acceptable.

Visually, the film is stunning, with absolutely superb set pieces. The CGI on Buckbeak is wonderful, though the Dementors are lacking in the scary department.

And for some reason, the music Lupin plays during the Bogart scene and when he leaves at the end is not on the soundtrack. Disrageous.

Oh, and Daniel Radcliffe still sucks.
froodle: (Default)
Had my last exam today - went well until the final question, at which point I had a brief moment of insanity and told my imaginary client to "suck it up and stop goddamn whining". Which, now that I think about it, wasn't the smartest move I've ever made. If anyone asks, I'll blame the emotional trauma of Angel ending. Yep, that'll totally work.

Also saw Prisoner of Azkaban straight afterwards: could have used a lot more Malfoy, I think. Both of them, for preference. Like Draco's new hair, not keen on his new (super-girly) persona. Laughed at the 'bloody chicken' line. He's so squishy.

Was suprised by how much I like David Thwelis as Lupin, pleased that Gary Oldman lived up to my expectations as Sirius, gleefully enthusiastic about their on-screen chemistry together and slightly aroused by Lupin's transformation scene. Not to mention, extremely happy to see that the werewolfism as a metaphor for homosexuality came through intact. Sniff. Poor Lupin.

Scriptwise, there are some major flaws in the storytelling, to the point where an awful lot of stuff doesn't make sense unless you've read the books. The connection between the Marauder's map and Lupin, and the reason Harry's Patronus takes the form of a stag, not to mention almost the entire Animagus backstory is left out. Crookshanks has no significance. The part with Harry getting the Firebolt is different, but it fits and is acceptable.

Visually, the film is stunning, with absolutely superb set pieces. The CGI on Buckbeak is wonderful, though the Dementors are lacking in the scary department.

And for some reason, the music Lupin plays during the Bogart scene and when he leaves at the end is not on the soundtrack. Disrageous.

Oh, and Daniel Radcliffe still sucks.

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