Aug. 16th, 2017

froodle: (bitch)
I tied my hair back because, IDK, I thought it would help me blend in more?

I feel so creeped out right now

I wish I hadn’t come in

Two different people both complimented my dress this morning

And instead of being like, “oh thank you”, I was sat there thinking “oh god please don’t draw any attention to me”

I can’t stop thinking about my body and how, while I’m sat here trying to do my job, someone is like “my boner has feelings about your legs, and my boner is important enough for me to go to your boss and your boss’s boss about it”

And my boss and my boss’s boss are both like, hmm, boner feelings, seems appropriate and also something *I* should be taking steps to control, because some random decided I was meat to be looked at and not a person, or an employee, or anything other than how my body makes them feel

I’m super uncomfortable and frightened and my anxiety is through the roof right now

I just want to draw a curtain around my corner so nobody can look at me and tell me all the vague non-specified but definitely inadequate ways I don’t measure up

And I’m looking around at what other people are wearing and I’m seeing bare arms and legs in tights and so I still don’t get it

And my skin crawls every moment I’m out in the office with the thought of who is looking at me

September 2017

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